Night Train To Terror, (1985) is perhaps one of the most cheesy and ridiculous movies I have ever watched. Night Train To Pure Cheese would be a more apt title. This movie makes me wish I could go back in time and prevent 1980s pop music, or just prevent the 1980s altogether.
The plot, what little plot there is, involves God and the Devil sitting on a train negotiating the fates of three separate people. This is little more than a means to try and cobble together parts from three seemingly different but equally awful movies. These scenes involving God, who looks like a cross between a slim Santa and actor Keenan Wynn, are pure cheese. To confuse the viewer further every now and again a 1980s pop band dance around and sing a song. It adds nothing to the film, indeed did they have any relevance to anything in the movie?
The three movies, condensed to make an anthology, are all awful and ridiculous. My favourite one is the porn actress who plays piano badly but somehow ends up, along with her love interest in a "death club". Apparently wealthy people like nothing more than a wrecking ball dropped on their heads. And they even own a machine/computer that will at random give you a lethal jolt of electricity. Dying makes them very happy, well the ones that dont get fried or a wrecking ball dropped on their head seem happy.
The last story within the anthology actually starts of quite interesting. Seemingly a Nazi who committed a war crime has not aged a day since before the first world war! He is of course not quite human. Unfortunately the ending of this part of the anthology is just as bad and cheesy aa the rest.
This movie derailed itself from the start, the result is a train wreck. The acting is awful. The fight scenes are ridiculously fake, and the stop go clay animation only made the movie more goofy. There is gore but within the context of the movie it just seems ridiculous. I can only speculate that this mish mash of a movie was a cynical cash grab.
1 out of 10, avoid! The movie is just bad, not bad enough to be ironically good, just bad.