With a window of opportunity to view yet another horror movie I boldly began to search the dark realms of Amazon Prime, searching where the majority of people would stay well away from. I was drawn inexplicably to a movie made back in 1985, called Church of the Damned, back when I was but a child, and nerds were still waiting for the internet to be invented. The movie if we can call it that, inolves a satanic cult, sounds good, until I started to watch it. I quickly realised I was in for a movie experience like no other I had ever encountered.
Some movies are made on a micro budget, you instantly know the moment you view them that they are made on a micro budget, but some movies are literally made on no budget. This appears to be just such a movie. Initially I thought it was a movie about people cutting fire wood, but out of seemingly no where a man (demon?) with a hood over his head, attacks our wood cutter, and despite being run over with a truck kills him. It becomes clear that a Satanic cult called "The Brothorhood of Satan" is behind the murders. The misspelt brotherhood is not my doing, honestly! Two police detectives have to figure out what is happening and more importantly stop it before the town is destroyed. To be honest that is the plot, and it plays out in random killings and encounters between the two detectives and the cult, until the sort of ending, I guess?
So far I have been rather harsh on this movie but upon doing my research, because I am diligent, I discovered that this was the first movie of the Polonia brothers, something of a dry run. I am not going to pretend I know of their work, so no doubt some horror fans will be shaking their heads at me in disgust, fair enough. The movie was made when they were teenagers, apparently whilst on winter break, which makes sense considering the amount of snow in the movie. It also explains why everyone in the movie is a teenager with fluffy youthful moustaches, desperately trying to look and act like adults.
On a technical level the movie is awful, but it is full of the enthusiasm of youth. The plot is virtually non existent, and the acting and dialogue are equally bad. Some actors chew the scenery, particularly the cult leader scenes, where the level of over acting is cranked up to Spinal Tap eleven. The special effects consist of dummies and dolls and a large helping of offal from the butchers. There is, however, one scene involving a mans penis getting ripped off that was quite well done. The editing of the movie is enough to give your brain whiplash in some scenes whilst in others it caused me considerable confusion as people run around, whilst all you can see are their shoes.
You probably think I don't like this movie but you would be wrong. This is a wonderful movie, albeit a bad movie in any conventional sense, because it entertains. You will find humour both intended and perhaps more likely unintended in nearly every scene. At one point one of the actors even looks at the camera and I thought for a moment the movie was self aware, but it was but a tease. If you enjoy bad movies and like horror you should consider watching Church of the Damned, but just be prepared for the ending, I won't spoil it, I doubt I could spoil it!
1 out of 10 (as a horror movie)
9 out of 10 (a great bad movie!)
Summary: a wonderful yet dreadful movie, full of youthful enthusiasm, and unintended humour. Delightful!