Some time ago I bought some horror movie DVDs from a local charity shop and stashed them away for a later date. They were an eclectic mix of titles, the majority of them I will admit to never having heard of before now. In the case of Robin Hood: Ghosts of Sherwood (2012) I would have been more than happy to have remained blissfully unaware of it's existence. This is, no word of exaggeration, one of the worst horror movies I have ever had the misfortune to watch and I have watched my fair share of awful movies. Indeed I enjoy a bad movie but this movie, well it almost broke me.
The plot of the movie revolves around the familiar legend of Robin Hood and his band of merry men. We get an idiots explanation of why Robin Hood and his merry men steal from the rich and give to the poor that appears to have been stolen from every annoying University student who thinks Socialism is somehow new and will solve all the wrongs of humanity. My eyeballs nearly rolled into the back of my head as the 5 minute scene went on with it's cringeworthy dialogue. Moving on, during a raid Robin and his men are slain whilst fighting the Sheriff of Nottingham (Tom Savini). Little John (Kane Hodder) is upset and takes a witch's potions in order to revive them. Long story short, they all become zombies who crave human flesh. Yes, Robin Hood is a zombie, and by the end of this movie I felt like I had perhaps also been transformed into a zombie, certainly felt like my IQ might have dropped a few points.
This is a dreadful movie, on every level this movie fails and unlike some bad movies we dont even have the distraction of unintended humour. The cinematography is guaranteed to induce boredom whilst the acting will make you appreciate that school play you may be forced to endure. The fight scenes are dreadful, they occur often and to be honest I didn't care who was getting killed after 30 minutes of the tedium. Tom Savini and Kane Hodder dashed my hopes that there might be some redeeming aspect to this movie but my hopes were quickly dashed. The special effects are awful and the dialogue is painful. At one point there is a scene that felt like it lasted 10 minutes involving a market stall and the range of vegetables that he has for sale, and his cabbage theft. This movie is the cabbage.
1 out of 10
Summary: avoid the movie, do something else, anything else. Sort out some paperwork, walk the dog, do a crossword.